I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
