On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
