You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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