I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
