he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
