He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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