so that wasnt chicken after all
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
