How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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