ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
