There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
