So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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