My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can you repeat that, but with context?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
