Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
