Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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