mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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