This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
