I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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