If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
