shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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