does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
