Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
