I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
