My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
my nose is crying tears of wow.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
