i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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