I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
