Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
