The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
