the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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