yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
