its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
