I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
