Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
