You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
