When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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