Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Two words: blizzard sex
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
