God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
