is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
