I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
love makes seman taste better
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I will pee on everything he values.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I forget how to act sober
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
