If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
