yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
