you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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