My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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