Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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