I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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