Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
