I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
