Swine flu. Run for my life!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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