Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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