I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
