last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
