My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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